Five things I can no longer do since becoming a mother
1) Enjoy a long, carefree, morning shower (fat chance)
2) Wallow (there’s too much sh*t to do)
3) Get anyway near enough sleep (it’s going to take decades to recover from this one)
4) Nurse a hangover (there’s no mercy in this house)
5) Watch anything involving children getting hurt/going missing/being poorly (and that includes animal children. Even David Attenborough is off-limits now. New Benedict Cumberbatch drama? Can’t even watch the preview)
Five random things I can now do since becoming a mother
(Note: list is by no means exhaustive. This really isn’t the sum of everything I’ve achieved post-partum. Honest.)
1) Go outside without any make-up (self-care long since abandoned)
2) Hold a wee all day (while making sure that everyone else is obeying their own bladders)
3) Do a headstand on the trampoline (legs against the netting)
4) Pick up creepy crawlies (so that we can inspect them. We are fearless creepy-crawly fans)
5) Make a rabbit shadow puppet (previously I could only manage a duck)
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